Dear Men... we need you.
Dear men,
I want to write this so that you truly understand how
important it is that YOU are involved in aiding women empowerment. I understand that people get frustrated with
things they don’t understand or aren’t involved in. It’s hard to relate to
something that hasn’t affected you personally, so I want to try and educate
people on the difference between what makes a man either part of the ‘men’ or the ‘scumbags’. I will use these terms to
differentiate between the men of the world who may not know what they can do to
help women and make the world a better place, vs the scumbags who genuinely
believe women are below them in every aspect.
Most often, when a woman speaks about feeling oppressed or fighting for feminism she is met by a
handful of men mocking her, telling her she has no banter and she’s boring. I
assume this is because men feel attacked and the reaction is to become
defensive, because they don’t want to believe they are contributing towards
helping the scumbag culture continue to flourish. I am not saying men that laugh
at the odd joke or feel awkward about discussing feminism are scumbags at all.
But what you men need to understand is this dismissive and defensive attitude
helps scumbags exist and hide amongst the men easily. While you think you are
doing no harm, ‘of course it is a joke’ ‘lighten up’, there are scumbags out
there that think harassing and belittling women is truly acceptable and it’s
amusing to them too. These scumbags nod along with you in the pub and appear
harmless, but their true scumbag comes out around women. You don’t notice at
first because you think he is just trying his luck, until he disappears and you
think nothing of it. The woman he is harassing can’t think nothing of it though
– she is given no choice. Scumbags like this use physical force and
psychological put downs to dominate. She is there for the taking – ‘why did you
come to the pub in a low cut top if you weren’t here to pick up a guy?’ he spits in a mocking rage. Now imagine that
woman is your sister, your friend, your girlfriend, your mum.
One of the most frequent arguments for the defence in rape
cases is what the woman was wearing. A police man in Toronto is famously known
for stating in 2011 ‘Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be
victimised’. Arguably more disturbing,
rape survivor Chrissie Hynde told The Sunday Times in 2015 ‘If you’re wearing
something that says, ‘come and fuck me’ you’d better be good on your feet’. If
that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about society’s views on
women and their sexuality then I don’t know what will. Women are so used to
being blamed for this that some actually believe their appearance or attitude
has caused that scumbag to rape her. I
want to acknowledge here that men are also raped and sexually abused and even
fewer men come forward about it happening, as the victim blaming culture makes
it an ‘embarrassing’ attack on their masculinity. Out of the 18,900 US military
members who experienced unwanted sexual contact in the fiscal year ending September
2014, only 10% of the male survivors reported it. This lack of reporting of
sexual assault can be for many reasons, people feel that they won’t be believed
or that they are to blame which is heart-breaking. Approximately 85,000 women
and 12,000 men are raped in England and Wales alone every year; that's roughly
11 rapes (of adults alone) every hour. There were 106,098 police recorded
sexual offences in the year ending March 2016, an increase of 20% compared with
the previous year. It could be argued that that the rise comes from an
increase in willingness to report sexual offences and an improvement of police
recordings rather than the number of rapes increasing. However, the high number
of sexual assaults and rapes carried out, which predominantly targets women, is something we have to fight to change. I want to say that things
are progressing and the victim blaming quotes previously mentioned were from
over 10 years ago but they weren’t. So
when people ask you why do we still need to fight for equality when we have it,
I need you to question – are male rape survivors blamed for what they wore when
it happened? I know this sounds harsh and I am EQUALLY as heartbroken for the male survivors, but when we act ignorant to this scumbag culture we put our MEN and
WOMEN at risk.
There is this
misconception that feminism is a male hating notion in which women want to be
superior to men in society. If you still think this in 2018 then I feel sorry
for you, because you are falling victim to the scumbag culture which instils
fear about women ruining the patriarchal society it has created. As a woman, I
want the same choices over MY body as my male friend would have over his. I want control
over MY future and MY beliefs in the same way a man can. I want the same career possibilities as a male
employee working the same job. If we don’t need feminism then why are women still
being paid less than men for the same job? In 2017 in the UK, men and women
working full-time in the highest-paid occupation group (chief executives and
senior officials) earned a median hourly pay of £48.53 and £36.54 respectively.
Men also had 72.8% of the full-time employment share in this occupation.
I understand that women may make the choice to have and look after children which
can influence their career and the gender pay gap – but when looking at
statistics of women and men working at the same level, it is clear that some companies feel they can pay women less. As men, when you try and
laugh at and discredit the fight for equal pay, you are essentially stating
that you feel it is right that ‘Women in the UK effectively work for free for
more than two months a year because of the country’s gender pay gap'. Do we really want our daughter’s to grow up and not be
given the same opportunity as our son’s?
So what can you do as men to help? I can already feel the
eye rolling and the ‘this is political correctness gone mad’ vibes coming my
way. But if you still feel that after what I am about to say then maybe that is
a sign you are actually just a scumbag… We as women do not want you to not have
banter, not have a flirt or approach women (in fact we should bring back
approaching women in a nice way as a way to date in 2018). We do not want you
to not be chivalrous, you can use the word ‘darling’ and we won’t instantly
assume you are a sexist pig. BUT THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE. If what you are saying
or doing is intimidating, belittling, harassing and generally making a woman
feel uncomfortable then STOP. If you see a scumbag doing any of these things
and it is in your power to assist then HELP HER. If you see a woman at work who
is doing a great job but getting no recognition then make an effort to
congratulate her and highlight it to management. When you are down the pub
having a laugh and someone makes a ‘joke’ that you find encourages scumbag
culture and is below the belt then tell them about it. If you embarrass a
scumbag for their behaviour then they won’t have the lad culture to lean back
on and use as an excuse. You can publicly show respect for women without having
to defend your masculinity by making it a joke, ‘I know international women’s
day is a joke but I love my girlfriend’, is so highly offensive I can’t even
begin. Do not let scumbag culture make you feel that: loving, respecting,
protecting and idolising women, makes you less of a man. It literally couldn’t
be more of the opposite. If we eliminate scumbags we can empower our men for
empowering our women. Everyone should have equal rights. It’s that simple.
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!
https://mic.com/articles/141781/here-are-9-times-clothing-was-blamed-for-sexual-assault-rather-than-the-obvious#.5usSInkTp
https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/compendium/focusonviolentcrimeandsexualoffences/yearendingmarch2016/overviewofviolentcrimeandsexualoffences#what-do-we-know-about-sexual-offences
I'm with you! Well said.
ReplyDelete